Have you ever
Have you ever loved somebody so muchIt makes you cryHave you ever needed something so badYou can't sleep at nightHave you ever tried to find the wordsBut they don't come out rightHave you ever, have you everHave you ever been in loveBeen in love so badYou'd do anything to make them understandHave you ever had someone steal your heart awayYou'd give anything up to make them feel the sameHave you ever searched for words to get you in their heartBut you don't know what to sayAnd you don't know where to startHave you ever loved somebody so muchIt's makes you cryHave you ever needed something so badYou can't sleep at nightHave you ever tried to find the wordsBut they don't come out rightHave you ever, have you everHave you ever found the oneYou've dreamed of all your lifeYou'd do just about anything to look into their eyesHave you finally found the one you've given your heart toOnly to find that one won't give their heart to youHave you ever closed your eyes andDreamed that they were thereAnd all you can do is wait for that day when they will careHave you ever loved somebody so muchIt's makes you cryHave you ever needed something so badYou can't sleep at nightHave you ever tried to find the wordsBut they don't come out rightHave you ever, have you everWhat do I gotta do to get you in my arms babyWhat do I gotta say to get to your heartTo make you understand how I need you next to meGotta get you in my world'Cuz baby I can't sleepHave you ever loved somebody so muchIt's makes you cryHave you ever needed something so badYou can't sleep at nightHave you ever tried to find the wordsBut they don't come out rightHave you ever, have you ever
musings
birthdays birthdays and more birthdays...
when we turn 21 we really shd be happy!! but when u turn 21, your other frens turn 21 too!!! and that means burning holes in your pocket nearly every month...oh well...i am not alone i guess....
went for a fren's party last night...and another fren celebrated her b'day at the same place too last month...hahaha...talk about deja vu...
anyway i realised we are all pretty sick of the parties and the idea of holdin it in a chalet...
but really with a severe lack of budget and the need to hold a large crowd (40 over relatives and dunno how many frens) i really can't think of a better place....
thought of just calling off the idea but its a tradition and a good excuse for someone like me who hardly hold parties...cliche as this may sound....sigh...
personally i'm kinda afraid of turning 21...i dunno whether afraid is the right word to use but in any case, i dun wanna turn 21 so soon...maybe cos at this point in time, i feel that life is pretty boring...not so much the lack of another half but the fact that i really dunno what i'm going to do after i get my degree...i can't see myself working 9-5...yet i dun see myself embarking on some journey or things like that...my life's not exactly routine, its not really boring yet somehow it seems pretty screwed up....why!?!!?!?!
today's a sunday...it's 2.18 pm but i'm alone at home on the com and i dun even know what to do on the com....i wanna watch a movie, meet up with frens yet i dun really wanna get up, out of my chair and change and then the idea of spending more money...
yest jus sat for 2 papers in school, too brain dead to wanna study anymore...
wanna go learn the piano, jus music pieces but i dun have a piano at home to begin with...and, there's the problem of money....
what makes life interesting?! trying to solve stupid, minor, insignificant problems like these o_O
beatrice chia's dangerous liaisons was provocative...in the sexual sense...
and the next day, death.mother (a play by the fun stage, starring benny and roy) also explored amongst other things, sex and homosexuality...then i went to watch a very long engagement and it was also rather sexually explicit...
getting sick of the overdose... o_O
anyway...i liked a very long engagement! yes the lead actor's cute!!!! but besides that, the plot is like a thriller mystery...unique =)
its not as morbid as cold mountain...a nice romantic flick for those who believe in true love or love ever after...
are you vicomte de velmonte??
went to watch beatrice chia's dangerous liaisons yest, was adapted from the french novel of the same name....
it was visually entertaining, and i tot the use of props were smart and witty...however the plot was sketchy, and really lacked depth...
mark richmond stole the show last night, improved alot from when i last watched proof which he acted in as well w janice...
yest a fren was asking whether we know what the play was about...didn't know how to ans him on the spot...not that i dunno what it's about but i dunno how to put it in a few words or phrases...
on hindsight, i tot the play was more about the fear of loving someone...
would you rather love someone wholeheartedly and risk being hurt, or protect yourself by hurting him/her who loves you? can we really control our emotions and use it as a weapon? seems like more often than not, we'll end up hurting ourselves even more...love is not someone to be trifled with...
so why fear embracing it? i guess its the trite but still held true saying that once bitten is twice shy...
well, then it seems like i'm one who never learns her lessons... o_0
at times even i get fed up with myself, cos i never seem to fail to fall for the wrong guy!
am i used to getting hurt?? nope, i do feel pain...maybe falling in love is not so easy for me as in the past, but i'm not about to give up on it yet...
and i hope you don't too...
i think my hair's green now
"hey you dyed your hair!"
"hey! your hair's green!!!"
"hey wasn't your hair blue??"
"did u do something to your hair??"
"i think it looks really ugly..."
"u look so old! grey hair!"
"man your hair looks so cool!!!"
"hey i like the colour!!!"
for the past 3-4 weeks, there wasn't a day i passed without somone commenting on my hair...and i still can't decide whether that's for the better or worse...cos i've heard every thing! ok maybe not everything, but enough...both good and bad...
oh and the latest comment was "i tot it looked better last week" and "it reminds me of feng yun"
hahahaah....i guess i'm getting used to the attention...
FYI ... for those who only recently noticed my hair colour...i bleached and dyed my whole head dark blue,like 2 weeks before CNY and then highlighted one thick strip light blue...so the strip will fade faster than the rest of the head...and colour changes from blue, to purple, to green to ash...i think its pretty green now...the dull kind of green...
and no i didn't take any photos after i dyed my hair...kinda regretted not doing so...but lazy la...hahaah.... so yeap...its ok you can say anything bout my hair...cos i prob won't be doing anything like this in a long long time...
does it really exist?
i enjoyed watching constantine...but at the same time its pretty lame and confusing...partly cos i dun read the comics and there was no subtitles! wonder why there are no subtitles...did they decide to remove it only recently? there wasn't any subtitles for finding neverland at lido either... hmmm....
in any case, its a not too bad show i guess...
while watching the show i can't help but wonder, is there really heaven or hell?
or is it just necessary cos we are so used to the evil black and the saintly white?
if hell is really as scary as the movie depicts, i sure dun wanna try it...
if i can really get wings like the angels in the movie, i swear i'll be an even better person!!! hahaha....
i visited city harvest!!!!!!!!
went down to city harvest today for one of the sessions.
decided that i couldn't say i like or dislike the church or its pple if i dun understand their workings....
the church is really crowded! like horribly crowded!
pple turn up in the thousands....
and now i realise why these teens are so devoted...cos their underground hall or main auditorium is built like some tv prod site...and they literally had a rock concert going on !!!!!! gosh! not like your usual church where there is statue of jesus on the cross and wooden benches...and holy choir boys...there's a band w drums, guitars, keyboard piano, trumpets!!!!
even the way the pastor preaches is different (for lack of a better word) ... or unconventional.
a pastor in cowboy get up and sprouts hokkien now and then.
and when they sing, you can see so much conviction on everybody's faces (there's several cameras rolling and a huge screen in the audi. and the sessions are broadcasted on asia network) pple jumping and singing at the top of their lungs...
and yest, i finally realised why...these pple are fanatics!!!!! its not so much trying to get membership, but rather they are taught that areas without god is as good as hell, and they see it upon them to save others from the "clutches" of hell, so they go about preaching...while i was in there, i witnessed such fervent faith like never before!!! pple singing at the top of their lungs to god. and even when the pastor speaks, there are pple taking notes! constantly shouting "yes!!!" "wow!!!" "hallelujah!!!" as if his words is equivalent to god's words!!!!!!!! 0_o
in today's session, the pastor talked about being a big peson. in 10 ways. quite interesting to hear...but nearly died in there cos he took like 2-3 hrs!! the things he talked about are some things that are already cultivated in us...
like forgiving and forgetting, to be humble, tolerance towards other's ...blah blah...jus that he put it in such a way that its gods words...hallelujah
i use to think the pple are fanatics, and i still think they are cos they go "yes!" "hallelujah!!" "wow!!" constantly as the pastor talks! almost as if he is god himself and agrees w everything he says!!!!!!
i'm not saying they shdn't believe, or whatever he says is nonsense but not to that extent right??
pardon me but to a certain extent its almost like a cult!!!!!!!!!! yikes!
oh and yes they do speak in tongue...i was sooooooo frightened when they started to talk in tongue! nearly wanted to run out of that place if not for the fact that i was sitted in the middle of the whole row and have to run up several flights of stairs and have to whole audi look at me....
i dun understand why, even after my fren tried to explain, they speak in tongue. and i dun think i'll ever understand...but its freaky!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
i guess compared to other religions, they are more vocal and active...generally all religions preaches the same teachings! jus that they come in different forms...so why can't we all be more tolerant of each other?
anyway, glad i went down and experience for myself...now i can say confidently i dun think i'll be converting soon enough...i'm comfortable with the temple and the joss stick stinging my eyes...hee...
this is my 2nd reading
this is the first reading...
4th day of cny
today is the 4th day of cny and i've visited several homes...
collected quite a no of ang baos, gambled quite a bit,won quite a bit...
and played monopoly!!!! hahaha
i visited 1 aunt and 2 uncle's house in the past 2 days...the amazing thing is i met them all, every single one of them on 1st day of cny! and for the next 2 days consecutively, its like taking turns to visit each other's place! hahaha... so same pple, take turns to visit each other's home...even though we've all met up on wed already....
its really amazing...
but i guess this is wat u call sibling love?!?!? hahahaah....
today went cck for dinner, guess its e last place i'll be visiting...then played monopoly w the kids! had alot of fun...hahaah...sometimes play silly games once in a while also can be quite fun =)
its been some time since i played monopoly....so nostalgic...managed to land on the most ex property, bought 4 houses and made my cous bankrupt cos she had to pay $1700 !!! hahaha....
let's see...in 4 days....i played, mahjong, blackjack, indian poker, big 2, pairs, monopoly, speed....pretty fun i must say =) but still feel something's missing...like temporary happiness...sigh....
oh and i jus picked up tarot cards! bro bought it a long time ago but didn't bother to learn...maybe cos i'm pretty troubled lately...so jus took it out to play lor... pretty fun...did some divination (dunno if that's the way to put it) and its all pretty true!
like it tells about wat is the situation i'm in now, my troubles, fears and hopes....it doesn't solve any problems and give solutions...rather it jus gives a general idea and its really up to you to interpret it...pretty interesting... =)
blah blah blah....
bored bored bored....
trying not to think of a person is worse than doing homework! worse than studing for exams!
why!?!?!?!?!
at this point in time of my life...things just sux big time...
finding neverland
yea! i finally gotta watch finding neverland!
i love it! other than the fact that johnny depp's performance was so convincing and superb, i think the plot's really insightful!
it's the other perspective that probably most of us have no courage to face, and/or is hidden in everyone of us...
for one, death is really something to be afraid of and nothing to be ashamed of...
and! there's a kid in everyone of us! cliche! but true nonetheless...
for instance, i went out shopping with me eldest bro this afternoon.
mum's decree that i should help fashion idiot bro to pick some nice looking clothes for cny...
and as i was out with him, he kept making lame jokes! he wasn't serious or anything...jus joking and fooling around like i've not seen him before in a long time...
and it was fun and relaxing really...maybe he's in a good mood, maybe he really behaved so unconsciously...in any case, i really appreciate the effort... =)
and the best past is! he's not really controlling me life anymore!!!...as in he's not scrutinising my every move, who i go out with and stuff! rejoice! maybe he finally realise that i'm all grown up! let's hope that i'm right...not trying to be cynical here, but really...
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
came home late today, after outing with frens...
mum was really pissed cos i promised her i'll be back to help out with some chores...
but after letting her scold me and letting off some steam, we are on talking terms again...
come every cny, mum will be very stressed up...worry bout this and that...while the rest of us jus relax and dun really care...it's jus cny! why get so uptight! sigh...dun think i'll every understand till maybe i have my own family and have to prepare for my own cny...
i do feel guilty here and there...but not for now...kekeke....
well...better go sleep already...tmr is another long day...
sweet dreams people!!!!!
if love isn't about possessing, then why do i long for you so?
film
whee!! missed to very impt lectures today! eck
was suppose to go for LBO morn class today but decided not to cos dun see the point in travelling nearly 2 hrs, then sit for 1hr plus lec then rush back bishan to do filming...
but i feel really bad cos i allow my laziness to rule over my motivation ...such a lame excuse....
then after film i can make it to HRM consult in time , but again excused myself cos i was tired and hungry...which was true definitely...but deepens my guilty conscience....SIGH....
forget its over...lets talk bout film!!
this is the 3rd or 4th project already i think...1st time collaborate with the 2 jasmines and did this short film on video cam with the help of samuel, jean and edmund (the actors and actress)...thanks alot! u guys were great!!! really appreciate it =)
had to make ur stand in the scorching sun, then run about with us...though we were only confined in the premises of j8...it was also very tiring...somemore we demanded quite a bit from our cast cos we use actions to make up for the lack of dailogue....hahaha....
after much brainstorming and stupid ideas...finally settled for a simple overused plot (or so i think) .... basically, in short, it's guy dumps gal for another guy! hahaha...
thank god we managed to find the actors and actress we need...or else also cannot film...
that was
one hurdle...then it was the script...that wasn't too bad either...cos it's a short film and tony wanted to test us more on technique rather than artistic value...did impromptu changes during the shoot...
the worst was the actual filming...everybody was great, cooperative and energetic...it was the stoopid security guard who kept chasing us out of j8 and restricting our space to film...it's the big hoohahh about security la...mrt stations, dept stores and many areas out of bounds...
so much so we had to resort to "hit and run" filming....hahaha....
many shots...in fact 99% were jus one take...then we had to quickly move on....sigh...
but it was all fun and exciting...hahaha...many funny moments...and it was a great experience for me...on a very small scale i get to experience what it's like to film and act and direct...cool...
our only prop was the flower i guess...a purple one...very nice!!! but the stoopid com dun let me upload the photo...nvr mind shall add later...
anyway sam bought it for 5 bucks! cos not yet v.day...think the price will prob double on that day...
sigh... v.day...one of those days i dread in a year...dread cos i'll prob be alone again...celebrate 21 yrs of lonliness...not that i dun wanna go out w frens but most them are attached!! bro work till late, floyd w gal fren, mum and dad celebrate themselves...
well at least it's a mon and not week end...
this purple rose is to all celebrating singlehood!!!!!! cheers!!!!
this is the bottle i made while at jc...the motto of my class... "WE CAN'T HELP IT!"
this is the purple rose! nice right!!
but it's withering already...sigh...neverlasting happiness...
we are very lucky
while they are still trying to recover from the shock of the tsunami, they are hit by another wave of earthquakes.
and on the other side of the world, war is still being waged, children grow up in the midst of gunshots and explosions, and fear...
whereas i am sitted comfortably in my house watching tv, eating desserts, worrying about mocks, what to wear tommorow...i am given the chance to love and be loved...
i cannot ask for more....
a walk down china town
" yat ngao zhek kat lat!!!" " yat ngao zhek kat kat!!! " (read in cantonese)
which means the min you bite it'll break easily...hahahaha....
there was this uncle at a gua zi shop chanting this damn funny lor! must listen to his version ... best...
went sown to china town this evening, shopped for cny styff w parents...crowded and tired, but it's just an annual affair...go for fun and help to carry things...
kinda regret a bit cos its blardy heavvy!!! mum bought 4 pomelos and many other stuff in one breathe!!!! arms are aching now sia..
but today not as bad i guess, since its a mon...the worst was fri sat and sun, according to my aunt...realised that people are not buying as many decorative stuff...think it's cos the new generation's house are renovated differently...so the traditional red stuff are just not very suitable...i personally dun really like the bright, gold cartoonish things...prefer simple red things...just a liitle bit to spice up the atmosphere =)
it's good to take a walk once in a while i guess...before the spirit of celebrating cny dissipates further...
